Duke Swellington of Shirley, Massachusetts

Known as "the Wayne Gretzky of the orgy pit," (New York Times) Duke Swellington has carved a name for himself in the gritty sex underground of suburban Massachusetts. Duke is known for his extremely deranged and aggressive sexual behavior, which was most prominently displayed during his conquest of the entire Chinese Olympic gymnastics team. None of them are currently capable of walking, and one gymnast remarked that having sex with him was "like salmon fighting angry grizzly bear with big dick." She died shortly before her 15th birthday due to complications associated with quadriplegia. Redheads should avoid Duke Swellington at all costs, because his favorite pasttime is giving the purple sock to the chocolate starfish of gingers. He is typically seen lurking at Barnes and Noble, and similar establishments. Beware of this individual.